A story about a cute little dog (not for the weak stomach)

From July 24, 2007

Well this a story about my dog, my cute, little, cocker-poodle, white, curly haired, with eye that scream “pet me, pet me”, dog. Yes it is in fact a very cute dog, but there is a darker side to this, oh so lovable, dog, of which my story entails.

You see my dog, although we thought we had him potty trained, still has had trouble, ahem “making it outside in time”. And lately he has had quite some trouble at this, possibly due to a hint of rebellious nature in him. But anyway it just so happens that his two favorite “special places” in our house happen to be the very upstairs and the very downstairs. I’m guessing it’s due to the fact he doesn’t want to bother seeing his own mess in the place where he spends the majority of his time, the main floor. He also for some reason (I’m guessing it has something to do again with not wanting to deal with it) really likes to leave his lovely presents of high, out-of the way places (well at least for him). Such high places have included recently, the kitchen counter and my parents’ bed. Though this is frustrating, at least in my mind I could have been thankful that my main domain (downstairs in my bedroom) has been left pretty much undisturbed by little Kermit the dog…

…Well at least untill two days ago when lucky I caught a number 1 and 2 a top my blankets before I sat down in it. And though that made my pretty upset, it is not the end of my story.

You see this is the real beginning of my story, last night:

Ah, it was a good night, I had just got my bigger top two blankets back from yesterday when I put it in the wash. I did a good job at keeping the door to the basement shut as well that day to prevent any further miss haps. And hey, I didn’t have work tomorrow till four so I can sleep in for the first time in a while! Ah, this was going to be a goodnight, but then, oh what’s that? A little turd by my dresser (should have been a warning) but hey, it’s just a little turd, it’s forgivable. So I went to clean it up and throw it in the downstairs bathroom and on the way, low and behold I stepped into a little bigger pile right in front of the bathroom (I guess he didn’t make it! Hahaha, oh I’m sooo funny!). That made me a little more mad, but hey, I got it cleaned up and finally hit the hey in my nice cozy bed. From there I had a rather nice sleep I should say, maybe even a couple of good dreams I can’t remember. Yes indeed, a very peaceful relaxing sleep.

Mmmm, let’s see it was almost four A.M., three…three fifty-something I think, when I kind-of subconsciously woke up. Because well, idk, there was something…something by my legs, all shredded up, sorta squishy…no, it couldn’t be! Of course it couldn’t be, how in the world could the dog be able to…no it couldn’t be! I reached down. I grabbed a piece of the whatever it was. I sniffed it…

Oh, Crap. Literally, yeah that’s right.

Immediately I got up, I didn’t even have to see it, I knew that smell anywhere. I got up, grabbed my pillow and some Pjs, ran up stair and took a nice long shower. And though you could imagine my feelings towards my dog weren’t all too warm and fuzzy at the moment, I had to laugh to myself. Somehow he had managed to get UNDER my sheets and poop (talk about covering up your mistakes). Yep, pretty amazing. And while I was picking out tiny pieces of poo that were strangled in my leg hair, I thought to my self, “wow, wouldn’t this make a great blog! It’d be a must read; one of those stories that all your friend stand in aw and amazement over, and hopefully, if I’m lucky, leave a handful of comments and/or kudos.” And maybe just maybe, that’ll make up for this whole catastrophe.

And so, I got out of the shower, went downstairs again, and after carefully checking my couch, I got some clean blankets and slept there, peaceably, through the rest of the night.

That my friends is my story, the story of my life, last night at least. And though it sounds bad, do not pity me for when I look back and think about it, it really wasn’t that bad. In fact it’s kinda cool (in a sick, twisted sorta way)! I’ve done something that most likely none of my friends have ever or will ever do: unwarily sleep half the night on a pile of dog poo. Yep, yep, yep, such a great accomplishment, and though I’d love to stay here and continue to reminisce about it, I believe I still have some sheets that need to be thrown in the washer right now. So if your excuse me I’d like to wish you all a very safe and uncrappy day! Goodbye!