From Jan 15, 2007
“Mmm…” I thought to myself, “how could make my blogs entertaining? Maybe instead of them being about my real life, I could make a fiction blog about my life. It’d be more exiting, funnier, people would actually want to read them, and who knows, I could get what I’ve only heard about in legends: A SUBCRIBER.” Well, I’m not sure if those were my thoughts exactly, but never the less I went and wrote a fictional blog for pure entertainment purposes and here it is:
Lately I’ve struggled… (Wait, wait, wait! Every one knows Times New Roman is not an exciting, entertaining font at all. If I want people reading this awake, I’ll have to type it in something like: THIS!!
Ok, much better now back to the blog)… …with coming up with ideas for blogs. Unlike other people who have to resort to stealing popular blogs, or writing a blog about not being able to write a blog, or going to the kitchen to find inspiration, I did what all the truly great blog writers of blogging past did: I went and hired a blog coach.Yep, found him on e-bay and for only 9.99$ he was mailed to me with in 3 business days. Oh, how overjoyed I was to finally arrived to coach me on to blogging greatness, I opened him up and with a cheerful shigrine he said, “Hi, my name is Bob!”
And I said, “Hi Bob!” then we began blogging.
“Oh my,” Bob said as he viewed my previous blogs, “You have a blog about not being able to write a blog. That’s not funny at all, and if it’s not funny no one will read it or subscribe to it or give kudos to make you feel warm and fuzzy. Instead you should write one about not being able to read a blog, and better yet make it about not being able to read a blog cause you’re being attacked a French polar bear in Hawaii.”
“What?” I said very surprised.
“People will love a blog like that because it’s random and everyone knows random=funny, and people will be more sympathetic for you since your being attacked by a French polar bear, since everyone hates French people.”
“Are you sure?” I said still very leery of his idea.
“Of coarse I’m sure, everybody hates French people; even French people hate French people! I’m a pro blog coach, remember, I’d think I’d know what would make a blog appealing or not! So what are you waiting for! Start writing your next very random and very funny blog, to which you will give 51% credit to me after it’s, became very, very popular!” At this point our relationship was getting tense, so I started writing my blog while he went to my kitchen to eat all my deli style ham. Then I finished my blog, (and he finished my ham) but when he looked at it he wasn’t too happy. “What is this?”
“My blog.” I replied.
“It’s pathetic!” he said.
“Why?” I replied.
“It’s about George Washington playing backgammon with an omelet! The #1 rule of random blog making is to NEVER make blogs about egg products, backgammon, or dead people with the exception of Abraham Lincoln. Statistics show it tends to turn people off and make them very unwelcome, un-warm, and very un-fuzzy!”
“What’s with you and being warm and fuzzy?” I asked, kind-of getting freaked out by the whole situation.
“Warm and fuzzy is everything! I can’t eat without warm and fuzzy, I can’t breathe without warm and fuzzy; I can’t exist without warm and funny!” At this point he started hyperventilating and I had to run him to the hospital where I found that he hadn’t had his medication in the 3 business days he was being shipped. Then I told him as much as I appreciated the help, I thought it would be the best for both of us if I wrote my blogs by myself. Even if that meant that I would have to remain, still, unsubscribed, and nobody would give me kudos. So I shipped him back to Cleveland, where I think he started a blog school for the easily aggravated, and distracted by food, and overall he is better off. And I believe I am as well, as now I enter into my “NEW ERA OF BLOGOGRAPHY!“
Wow, I think my fictional and real self learned some very valuable lessons. First: Randomness= more, weird than funny, and second: Trying to worry too much about entertaining and pleasing people in your blogs is stupid. So for now on I guess I’ll try to stay away too much from fictionalizing my life to make it seem more exciting.
–Love, yours truly, and most sincerely,
–sam
I am subscribed to your blog!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I think Josh might be too. He said not to post so much at a time. For ONCE IN MY LIFE someone agreed with me!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!